I was diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, RAD, OCD, PTSD, and Bipolar (isms) since I was about 6. They tried what seems like hundreds of drugs on me to make me calm (more like a zombie.) Nothing worked; I was as agitated as ever. As I got older, they added depression and anxiety as well as several sleep disorders to my list of diagnoses. By now, I am 20 years old, quit every medication they had ever given me, and more confused than ever. They say because of my foster care situation when I was younger, that it would make sense that I had RAD, my best friend being killed in front of me (PTSD), it would make sense for me to have all these things. I just want to know what is wrong with me. I cannot sleep, I have trouble communicating face to face, and all I can think about is death at this point. I listen to violent music before bed, because that is the only way I found I can relax, can’t have my headphones out for more than half an hour, can’t eat more than 1 meal a day (even though I am super overweight) and am too tired to do anything; just feeling sad and depressed no matter how many people are in the room talking to me. I am tired of all of this, and while I am told maybe there is no hope, and that I need to be admitted to a facility, I want to make sure there is nothing left for me to do. People think of me as a violent, angry person; and while I can get angry easily and cannot connect emotionally to anyone, I feel like there is an underlying issue that no one has talked to me about. I need help desperately!